Theme Song:

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“Lover,” by Billy Kirkland. There’s a bunch of other music in this movie by some band named “Arsenal,” which all just sounds like surfy Beach Boys music, but shittier. You would think with a name like “Arsenal” it would be some good early thrash-metal, or something.

Interesting Dated References: Being able to order alcohol over the phone for delivery. Really fancy beachfront homes being filled with shag carpeting.

Best Line: “I don’t mean to be mean.”

Social Context: The movie-going public had an insatiable appetite for teen boob sex comedies in the late 70s and early 80s. They couldn’t get enough of them at the drive-in or direct-to-video. Syphilis and Gonorrhea had been conquered. Drugs were readily available. Shit was on! Nothing was ever going to put an end to the party!

Summary: It can get pretty hard to tell all these 70s/80s teen boob comedies apart. Sometimes in my head they all blend together into one giant convolution. Reviewing a few of them in a row really fucks you up.

The Beach Girls introduces us to shy-gal Sarah (Debra Blee, on the left with the dude) and her two party-girl friends, Ginger and Ducky (on the right). Sarah is staying at her uncle’s beach house for the summer and invites her boy-crazy friends along.

Ginger and Ducky want to get down with some dudes and start inviting over all the repair and delivery men they can find. These two chicks are fucking hot to trot.

Before you know it, there’s a full-fledged party going on. Sarah is uptight and worried, but Ginger and Ducky want to get fucked up and do shit they blame other people for.

Check out all this hot 80s dancing. Check out Ginger getting down. She’s fucking hot. There’s something so much more attractive about girls who were only ever in one movie and then vanished from the face of the earth.

Ginger knows how to fucking dance. People need to bring this shit back in a big way. The one thing I really blame hip hop culture for is ruining how white women danced. As soon as all these white chicks saw a rap video, they all abandoned this 80s style of dancing. I miss it. I wish you would dance like that. I think our relationship would be stronger if you did. Then a bunch of people go skinny dipping.

Darkness falls, and Sarah’s uncle shows up. Instead of breaking up the party right then and there, he decides to break it up in the morning. Please don’t ask the logic on display here.

So, Ginger and Ducky decide to seduce the uncle and get him high so the party can continue, even though the uncle was already cool with the party going on. I should mention Ducky is played by Jeana Tomasina who was in ZZ Top’s “Legs” and “Sharp Dressed Man” videos, and later (and aged) she wound up on Real Housewives of Orange County. Since this movie needed a subplot, we get one that involves weed-smuggling drug dealers on a boat. They had to dump their stash and it just happens to wash up on shore at the party house the next day. The girls find it and lo and behold they have another party and give all the weed to everyone.

Sarah finally decides to let her hair down and “get loose” with a traveling, guitar-playing drifter. I actually think there was just a reference to those old Parkay™ butter commercials, but I can’t be certain and I’m not going to waste the time to figure it out. I have better things to worry about, like when I should pay my mortgage from last month. There’s also a very long scene where a Mexican property maintenance worker and an Oriental limo driver get into a long racially-motivated fight. This scene seriously goes on for five minutes.

And then the coast guard shows up and burns all the weed, which gets everyone contact-highed and it’s totally, like, this awesome party I was at last weekend where we all got so high, man, on weed. Fucking Tony was barking at the moon, man! We totally got way high on weed and smoked so much weed out of various things that we were so baked, man. And, man, I swear I will get you the money you fronted me. I really appreciated that by the way. My mom was coming down on me fucking harsh, man. Do you got a cigarette?

Poster and Box Art: The Beach Girls poster isn’t even really worth talking about. It’s a picture. There’s people on it. These people are having fun, like in the movie. Everyone is enjoying life. Everyone is happy and fulfilled. No one wonders what could have been with their lives, or if they are making the right choices. They all just want to have fun and live in the moment. Shame, regret, sorrow: These things do not exist.

Availability: Packed onto a double feature DVD at a rock bottom price. If you’re so inclined to watch such films, this may be worth your while.

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Posted on Monday, November 30th, 2009. Filed under 70s Boob Showcase, Dangerous Kids, Recently Reviewed